How to Behave On Christmas (1938) 🇺🇸

Here are some helpful hints which, if carefully observed, will carry you safely through the social emergencies of the holiday season. Every Christmas has its dark moments, and these favorite players graciously demonstrate how to rise courageously above them.

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Joe E. Brown poses as “The spirit of Christmas Morning” just after the first tin horn sends its joyous toot through the house at 2 A.M.

When the life of the party insists upon giving you some mistletoe, give up like a lady and eat it… they say it’s poisonous. Demonstrated by Patsy Kelly

If your best girl buys you her idea of a snappy hat, look on the bright side. It’s an opportunity for a clinch, anyway. Brought to life by Burns and Allen [George Burns | Gracie Allen].

When your loved ones give you an encyclopedia, charged to your account in 12 easy payments, there is nothing to do except say, “I need a lot of words, but I don’t seem to find them in this contract.” Posed by Eddie Cantor, who is a pretty good Santa Claus.

It is best to say nothing at all when rich cousin Spobble says that he is giving nothing but cards this year. Edna May Oliver shows how to be a perfect lady under these most trying of holiday conditions.

When you get back that calendar you gave dear Cousin Muggle last December 25, remember that Christmas comes only once a year. Posed by Mary Boland with quiet despair.

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Better use some blunt instrument instead of grandfather’s shot-gun when Uncle Yunk from Alaska brings that out-sized Huskie to make apartment life more interesting. It’s Martha Raye who is about to pick up the piano.

Be careful not to say “What is it?” when you unwrap that hand-frizzled art-novelty. Pretend you know just what to do with it. Gracie Fields shows how to be enthusiastic though baffled.

Have a wet sponge in your pocket ready for the little ones who want to give you a Christmas kiss after they have been working over the lollipops. Demonstrated by Victor Moore all in the spirit of holiday fun

Be sure to remove the cigar from your mouth when you say, “Thank you, that’ll be fine for when I get a pipe” when you unwrap the pipe-rack. Posed by Joe Penner.

Keep a firm grip on those conflicting emotions when Cousin Swack says that he was bringing a case of champagne, but he dropped it, so you’ll have to take the will for the deed. That frozen mask belongs to comic Bert Lahr.

Eric Blore shows how to mingle just the proper amount of delight with dignified restraint when you get pipe-cleaners for your cigarettes.

“Just what I wanted and needed most” is always a good line for nearly any gift that has you guessing. Posed by Helen Broderick. 

Collection: Hollywood Magazine, January 1938