If I Were a Woman… (1927) 🇺🇸

GEORGE K. ARTHUR. — If I were a woman, I would not make speeches before literary clubs, nor rave about Browning in all my spare moments. I wouldn’t blow smoke through my nose nor affect an interest in prize fights that I didn’t feel. I wouldn’t wear rolled stockings nor have a boyish bob.

WALTER PIDGEON. — I wouldn’t try to be ultramodern. In fact. I believe I’d be a bit old-fashioned — not way out of date, but modern with a goodly share of the old-time modesty. I’d use very little make-up, for example. And I’d wear my skirts a little longer than do these 1926 girls. I’d also be inclined toward — do you still call them petticoats?

ERNEST TORRENCE. — I wouldn’t powder my nose and rouge my lips in public. To preserve the illusion, if any, that her beauty is natural, a woman ought at least to put on her war paint only in private.

NOAH BEERY. — I would not take a man on a bargain-hunting expedition. Nor would I use the telephone in a business office for a long personal call.

ROD LA ROCQUE. — If I were a woman, I wouldn’t fall for men — maybe! What can a beautiful, soft, perfumed creature see in a bearded, uncouth, tobacco-fouled ruffian like the majority of us superior males?

RAYMOND HATTON. — If I were a woman, I wouldn’t try to dress like a man. I wouldn’t waste any time on “sheiks.” I wouldn’t talk about my operations.

PAT O’MALLEY. — If I were a woman, I wouldn’t forget the fact that motherhood is the greatest thing in the world. Every unhappy soul, every lost lamb, comes in for a share of maternal protection. It is the mother who makes this world a wonderful place to live in.

PERCY MARMONT. — I wouldn’t talk all the time about clothes — either my own beautiful ones or the terrible things some one else had. Beautiful garments are a joy to behold, but when a woman tells where she bought them, how much they cost, or how good the material is, the clothes lose all their fascination and intrigue for men.

JACK HOLT. — I wouldn’t go out on the street for a walk, attached to a lap dog. I wouldn’t drive a motor car and forget what I was doing. I wouldn’t use paint and powder unless I knew how to apply them.

HUNTLY GORDON. — If I were a woman I would never smoke nor swear in public. A woman may say that it is as fair for a woman to smoke as for a man, but it is not a question of fairness; rather, it is a question of appearance. Woman has always been finer, sweeter, and more spiritual than man. When she smokes and swears, she destroys much of this atmospheric beauty - that- should surround her.

EDMUND LOWE. — I would not wear stockings that had holes or runs, nor shoes with worn-down heels. In these days the appearance of a woman’s feet and ankles is as important to her beauty as that of her face and head. Yet I know many women who are very careless about their shoes and stockings.

WALTER HIERS. — If I were a woman, I wouldn’t let myself become fat. It is a part of my business, as a man, to be fat, or I would reduce. Maybe it wouldn’t be easy to remain slim but, if I were a woman, I’d starve, diet, and exercise ten hours daily, if necessary, to keep down my weight.

CHARLES RAY. — I wouldn’t talk baby talk and I wouldn’t agree with everything that was said. I wouldn’t make catty remarks in public, and I wouldn’t laugh boisterously in public.

NEIL HAMILTON. — If I were a woman, I would not attempt to drive an automobile from the back seat. The only trouble with that statement is that it applies to men nearly as much as it does to women. Women have no monopoly on back-seat driving, but they are fairly well represented.

LEW CODY. — I wouldn’t choose a traffic-crowded intersection at which to stall my car. I wouldn’t borrow another woman’s make-up nor try on another woman’s hat. I wouldn’t talk about clothes nor about my latest operation.

NED SPARKS. — If I were a woman, I would not dance the Charleston. I think the dance is suggestive and not at all pretty or graceful. From a masculine viewpoint. I find myself admiring the girl who does a graceful, modest waltz rather than the one who undulates her body and limbs in that Charleston thing.

WALLACE BEERY. — I wouldn’t say “My dear!” nor “Don’t you just love it!” nor “Isn’t it just adorable!” I’d also not insist that my husband have dinner at home when I had a group of my friends at the house. Neither would I make engagements without first consulting him. And last of all, I certainly wouldn’t insist that he play chauffeur for me or for my friends when our regular driver was not available.

Compiled by Dorothy Wooldridge

Collection: Picture Play Magazine, March 1927

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see also If I Were a Man…